jodigirl1234's Blog
jodigirl1234's Blog

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Entries on 21-September 05

I Am Back!

Posted by , 21 Sep 2005, 10:38 PM

Well people I have missed you all very much I was off dealing with some stuff but now I am here.I hope you all are doing well and are all happy.I will update more soon but it has been a really hard time for me.

Entries on 2-September 05

Fuck It

Posted by , 2 Sep 2005, 02:28 AM

I have been so hurt and i dont know what to say but fuck it.I really hate being hurt and it really sucks.I actually let someone in my life that i thought i could trust and wham it falls right apart in my face.I really feel so low right now and i just dont want to be anymore.I just am so sick of things going wrong i cant take much more of this fucking joke called my life.I feel so alone and just like a complete nothing.I hate feeling so lost and hurt its like why do i have to keep getting fucked with I mean all i have ever wanted from life is to be happy.I have never been greedy with any part of life and i dont ask for to much ever.I dont bother people cause i know poeople dont like to be bothered by others problems but just once i thought i met a true friend and it has blown up in my face.I am so hurt i cant speak or do anything cause when i do all i do is cry and im so tired of hurting.I am so tired of regrets and feeling like i will never be ok.I have always been a strong person but i feel so weak right now its so not cool.I just dont want any of this anymore i just want to sleep and never wake up.But i know thats not the answer either but it seems like the best way right now.I dont know all i can say is fuck it i just want to be happy and i guess it isnt in the cards for me ever.

Entries on 23-August 05

Getting Off The Meds..

Posted by , 23 Aug 2005, 04:53 PM

This is my 3rd day of my anti anxiety medication and im starting to feel weird.I mean my anxiety is starting to kick in but the medication that I am on has been making me shake so I stopped taking it. I know a lot of severe reactions can occur by just stopping all together but I just hate how it makes me shake.I am hoping that I get through the withdrawl ok cause I hate feeling like this. Its like I am over analyzing things and worrying like crazy and it is really hard to handle.I am going to go for a power walk in a little while to make me feel better I hope that works too. I just cant stand to be on medication anymore I mean im on enough for my asthma as it is so I really dont want to be on anything else.Anyway it is a nice day out so I am going to try and take advantage of it.I just am really worried about getting a really bad anxiety attack cause they really suck.I mean I get so scared of being scared it is so strange..

Entries on 22-August 05


Posted by , 22 Aug 2005, 05:47 PM

Oh my god I got so drunk on saturday at my grandparents anniversary party. But I mean everyone was but me and my sis had such a good time she got drunk to for the first time.It was so funny I dont remember anything but i know i did throw up in the woods so I guess i was really shitfaced lol. I guess i was ok though I didnt do anything stupid I was just being my social self.I guess i was flirting with the lead singer to my cousins band so I just laughed about that. Hey he is a hottie so who cares and i guess he wanted me to stay but I had to go I was to drunk. But oh well I dont drink hardly ever so it was def due to have a good time. I needed it to cause i was feeling so down the other day.Oh and I want to thank all you sweet men for giving me supporting comments you guys are the best.I have to say I actually liked how i looked that night I had on like tight jeans and a cute tight shirt.I liked it and it felt good to like what i looked like for a change.Ok well im going to go now but i send all my love to you all in Greece you guys and girls are the best and I really hope to see you guys someday in person.That would be like a dream come true. wub.gif

Entries on 20-August 05

Not Happy

Posted by , 20 Aug 2005, 02:56 AM

I dont know what to do with myself I am so unhappy.I want to be loved and held so bad it hurts to think about it. I mean I love sex but I really love to be loved so much.I miss feeling the persons arms around me and how good it feels to be called beautiful.I just feel alone and I really dont like it.I mean I laugh and kid all the time but inside I am usually kind of sad.I just feel like nobody will ever love me the way I would love another.It just sucks to feel this doom and it follows me everyday. I know I must sound like a whining baby but it just makes me really feel empty when I have nobody to be with and love.I just wish I had lots of money so I could travel and look for things to occupy my time other than dwelling on love.
I am a real lovable person who feeds off of touching and kissing and making love so it is hard for me to be happy without a special person in my life that is in my arms. I dont know i just feel so godamn sick and tired of this shit I am sick of being lonely when i have lots of guys inviting me out but me not giving them the time of day because most of them just want to have sex.Thqat is so not what im looking for so I save myself the heartache of knowing thats why a guy wants to go out with me. Cause thats how most guys are.I mean I joke all the time of how much I want sex and its true but I also want love and it seems no matter how i am I dont get it. I mean when im with friends like here in the forum or out in real life i joke but i never put those kind of jokes when im talking to a guy I am interested in just cause im trying to see what he wants and nine times out of ten its sex.So its just my shitty luck.I just have one question where did all the real men go...

Entries on 17-August 05

Its A Beautiful Day

Posted by , 17 Aug 2005, 04:29 PM

Well I got to get back to my power walking yesterday I was so happy. The muggy weather has gone and hopefully will stay gone. I felt so good when I got back soaked in sweat I mean that wasnt that great but the feeling I get after is so awesome. My life is going really good now and I am happy but I always thik that something will go wrong. But I am trying not to think that way I am just taking life as it comes one day at a time as they say in AA. So I really cant wait for autum its my favorite season when the leaves change to vibrant colors and time to get a pumpkin. I just have always loved it in the fall the cool air its crisp and clean it is just the best time of year. I love going to the place called the Big Apple a couple towns over where you go on a hayride through the apple orchids and get fresh apple pies. It is something I love to do I used to take my sis every year. I just hope she will still want to go this year even though she is 14 im sure she will cause its a fun place. We have lots of fun together and we have been getting along really good that makes me smile.I love her so much just like she was my own kid she is a spitting image of me and that is kind of scary lol. But hey im a good person so I guess its not that bad of a thing. I just hope she doesnt make the same mistakes I did. Her benifit is that she has me to help her out I was the oldest in my whole family so I had to learn by myself and boy did I the hard way. Hey what doesnt kill you makes you stronger as people say and I truly believe that. I mean I really wouldnt change to much in my life except my drug addiction but that is in remission and I hope thats where it stays. Well I dont have much else to say so enjoy the day everyone and always count your blessings cause we take to many things for granted. smile.gif

Entries on 15-August 05


Posted by , 15 Aug 2005, 04:14 PM

Well I have been the biggest slacker of all lately.I havent written in any of my journals at all.So I start at the place I love the most my forum thanks to Nick. So anyway life is really good im actually very very happy but that reason will come along eventually buit for now I will not jinks it by talking about it. So anyhow my nana and papa are celebrating 50 years of marriage this saturday and I look up to them so much. They're marriage is how every marriage should be it has its ups and downs but they stuck it out and stayed together and thats what I am going to have someday. People now a days take marriage vows so lightly and its a complete shame how marriage and the phrase I love you gets so badly abused and brought down to mean so little. Well the way I look at it when I say I do its going to be for life and after no if's an's or butt's about it. I will never settle for less especially when it comes to something as sacred as marriage. So enough of my views on marriage cause I will not be dealing with that anytime soon unfortunately. But hey I know someday I will have the life I have always wanted with the kids and the house and dog and cat. All in time I know this all in time..

Entries on 1-August 05

Hi Its Been A Weird Week...

Posted by , 1 Aug 2005, 04:55 PM

Well out of nowhere I had two of these guys that I used to hang with contact me to go out on a date and I was like no.I mean they just arent my type so I kindly said that I had a bf but of course that was a lie but I didnt want to hurt them.I really dont like being the one who says no to the guy although its not fun being rejected either but I would rather not have to reject anyone.So I actually have turned down a lot of dates I have no idea why but I just dont want any of them I know who the right guy is and he will come sometime soon..So anyhow I am completely sexually frustrated I have never wanted to have sex so bad then I do now..But I will be patient and just keep my hands soft lol...I crack myself up but hey its better than sleeping with the wrong guy and then he lalls in love and im like no I dont love you so then he turns into stalker...I am so all set with that and it seems like anytime I have slept with a guy he gets like obsessed and I dont like it...I mean to care is one thing but to smother is a whole other thing and thats what I have gotten smothered in friggin onions like a steak lol...Ok well enough of my craziness for today im off like a prom dress... blink.gif

Entries on 28-July 05


Posted by , 28 Jul 2005, 03:25 PM

I had a really fun day yesterday I went swimming for the first time in like 5yrs. I have no idea why I havent been in my nanas pool for that long but I guess I just didnt want anyone to see me in my bathing suit. It is really tough living with an eating disorder but im getting better everyday that goes by.I mean I didnt even wear a short over my suit and thats a big time step for me cause im usually covered right up. So anyways I had such fun it was me my sister my cousin and my mom and we just played and played cause it was like 100 degrees and wicked humid. My mom went down the slide and it was so funny to see her do it. My sis of course pulls down her bottoms so she can get down the slide faster. That slide has had its share of bare bottoms on it lol! Hey I wanted to go skinny dipping but I cant do it in front of my family and my papas workers were due back shortly to and I was def not giving them a show. I was in just a good mood it felt so good to just play in the water like not worrying about anything. I really missed it and now that I have done it I am going to go back as much as I want cause it is such a refreshing feeling and its actually good excercise and maybe my nana and papa wont be there someday and i can go nude that would be so fun. Ok well thats enough for today ok then enjoy... biggrin.gif

Entries on 25-July 05

All I Can Do Is Laugh At This !!!!

Posted by , 25 Jul 2005, 11:24 PM

Gods! You scored 59!
You are most like the Goddess Aphrodite! Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, fertility and desire. Although she was married she had many affairs with both other gods and men - most famously with Ares. Her husband Hephaestus caught them in a net he had made and paraded them in front of the other gods. Aphrodite is mean, vain and jealous, and most often depicted with a mirror.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 87% on Godliness
Link: The What Greek God Are You Test written by mellyelf on Ok Cupid

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